please lock me in and emepty room full of paint,brushes,&,paper. leave me for a week please.

hmmm.

my minds running.
it needs to be empty.
Im not sure how/what I (or should)be feeling.




I always forget what comes with a group of friends.
this is intense.


Plus I'm a little rusty.
I didn't ask for any of this.
I didn't want any of this.

I hid in my home for over 4 years avoiding this, avoiding PEOPLE. Avoiding trust.

then everyGODDAMNFUCKINGtime, I am reminded. again.again.again.again.again.again.again.again.again.again.again.again.again.again.again.again.again.again.again.again.

I leave my nice little house and my nice little world and end up in a spiral of crazy situations.
Every time I leave my head I end up being reminded why I am in my head.

Dammit I hate society, I have grown such a dark dreadful hatred toward them. I pity people, I hate 98% of fucking people. People are predictable, people are a wreck.

Now don't get me wrong, It is VERY entertaining, and the other 2% amaze me. They take my breath away, there really are those few amazing, brilliant people. Whom I am so thankful for.

I just need to trust my goddamn instincts.
Not these fucking girl ones. My real ones.

Ive repeated all of this haven't I?
even on my own fucking blog

I have written ALL of this before.

ahhh