the worst part

I don't know how to say no to people.
I seem to get anxiety around any large group of people.
and to top it off
if I ever have a sudden change in my emotions
(nervous, scared, embarrassed, angry, etc..)
a rash grows from my chest to my neck,
and it sits there for who knows how long growing redder and redder.

Oh goodness but the worst is when
I play my guitar in front of people I actually care about.
My throat scratches up, my heart pounds,
my hands shake three time more then they usually do.
I cant seem to play. I somehow cant manage to get out of that place.
I am bright red by that point, including my face,
I'll still try, but you can hear my hands shake with ever strum of each chord.

It is absolutely dreadful.
Yet wade and alcohol seem to do the trick.
or at least it makes me careless to it all.